Beautiful Minds

I fear the love I have for you.
I made the vow to let go and let love lead, but now I realize that I am losing fragments of myself.
When the fear of losing you is like a pistol to my head and my inner voice is being held hostage by the burning desire to prove my love for you.
I know that this love is dangerous

Lilly

One day you will arrive at heavens door and enter a room filled with love.
A child with a face you cannot recognize will call you mother.
And images of that back room Dr will project on the walls of your mind.

You remember that day.
That day you were laying on your back, legs wide open as scalpels were used to heave out your womanhood.
This, this isn’t how it was the last time you were laying down in the comfort of your own room.
In that moment there was passion.
Bodies moving in unison.
As you were lead to a distant land where only you and him existed.
But then, there was three of you.
You, him and the thing growing in your belly.

You will stare at the child. As you see the endless possibilities they could have presented.
You will realize, that you had housed a sacred being.
Within you there was life.
Which you forcefully evicted from its sanctuary.

You remember that day, and the blood filled bed of that dark dingy room.
The indescribable pain.
A far cry from the angelic face that stands before you.
You wish more than ever that things could be different.
That you had listened to the elders who always cautioned us about where we lay our bodies.
“Young lady, get off your back. This is no place for a woman like you.
These are not the laurels that grandma, mme, ausi or mosadi have taught you to rest on”

So rethink THIS day young lady.
Don’t ever forget that within your womb lies hope.
Choose wisely the bed you make.
And do not create a soul that will live motherlessly.
Anticipating the day you will arrive at heavens door.

Lilly

“The rhythmic movements of the ocean
Go in. Out. In.
Waves usurp the sand.
Resembling the coup d’état of my senses.
You seize the capital of my body.
A victim so willing to comply.
I am overcome by the freshness of the new breeze.
Replenishing shorelines once ruled by dictators.
Dictators of doubt. Dictators of deception.

Your,your…
Your revolution is soldiered by love.
That. Heart beating so loud echoing the sounds of waves against rocks as the old city burns, love.
That. Fighting through the trenches of fear and vulnerability love.
That. Purifying love.
That let me wash joy upon your shoreline love.
That. Let go love.
Freedom.

A clear realization. 
Your presence was long awaited.
Our existences seem, seem so undeniably complementary.
Without the ocean… the beach is but a desert.
Without the martyrdom… only oppression flourishes.
Without love… my city will become obsolete.

You bring with you assurance. 
Belief. 
Trust.
A new found recognition that within me lies a haven for the unimaginable.
Beneath my waters.
Beyond my weapons.
A warrior.
A warrior of love.

For this new governance I will surrender to the rhythmic movements of the ocean.
Not dodging the bullets. 
The explosions. 
The fires.
Just…
Just, letting love take over.
As a new city is created.
And nature sings a new anthem.
And the rhythmic movements of the ocean
Go in. Out. In….”

Lilly